wrigley field is MILF paradise
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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