Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize