So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
