I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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