It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just pee around me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
