You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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