You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
