On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
