I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
