So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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