I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
