Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
