Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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