cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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