it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
