and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
