there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
