Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
