Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think my moral compass just broke
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
