I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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