I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
