But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
