You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
