I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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