I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
