If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
