i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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