Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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