yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
