plz talk dirty to me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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