My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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