first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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