Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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