I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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