she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
