Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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