when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
