Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i think i just lost a toe
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
