some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
