I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
