weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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