I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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