if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
