he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
