Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
