Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
