I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
