i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
