you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
