Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The power of my boobs compel you
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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