I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
