I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
