i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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