YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
