if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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