omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
