i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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