I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
