So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
